Posted by Maggot Man
Released on: 1983

And "V" peters out like a bad date….

The much anticipated catfight between Diane and the HVIC never comes off, at least not in the way we were hoping for. Exhibiting was for a V is excellent marksmanship, Diane busts a ray into HVIC's shoulder, smarts off and gives her the coup de grace. She then takes the bonus round by polishing off the Newt Gingritch kid to become Capa di tutti capi. This would be a great career move were it not for the fact the bad Vs are keeling over left, right and center as humans and V allies stage their long awaited revolt.

Maybe this was all climatic on TV and you were about 10 or thought T.J. Hooker too suggestive, but for those of us even then inured to cinematic blood by the bucket full thanks to Halloween, Star Wars and the head shot that Saigon police chief dished out after Tet, this was a yawner. The father of the jive black guy banzais a V position on the mother ship, hoses ‘em down with red V killin' powder like wet t-shirted co-eds in a Girls Gone Wild video. Apparently we are supposed to find this dramatic. Glory and the Dirty Dozen did berserker black guys so much better. Besides, as I've already pointed out, these reptile guys aren't exactly Sergeant Yorks. Jive black guy père, you were in no danger. I derived more pleasure when Ironside polished off a V villain by dumping more powder on the guy than Pacino sucked up in Scarface. The mixed breed kid, who'd aged like a daytime soap opera baby, saved earth by shorting out some sort of doomsday machine like a bug in a zapper and Diane or Diana or whoever the heck she is takes off in a spaceship, apparently the sole surviving human eating V. The Doctor said she and the kid come back in the later TV series but at this point, who cares?

I ran across something recently about a V sequel being made for TV release, suggesting all things ‘80s are new again. Faye what's her name is gonna be in it, I think. I heard, but can't confirm, that they were gonna use the title V-2 ‘til they found out some old guy in Argentina had the name trademarked. Uh, Doc—that last bit is a joke.

Rating: My final V rating on the pre-1980s Saturday Morning Cartoon Male Role Model to Aspire To scale (Best equals Race Bannon, worst equals Shaggy), slides to Alvin of the Chipmunks.

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