Against The Dark
Against The Dark

Posted by DJ I.Z.
Released on: February 2009

Seagal... why won't you just give it up already?

Believe it or not, before we started the movie The Doctor and Maggot Man made an interesting observation of word count in Steven Seagal movie titles.  It appears that the trend is for two-word titles to have a higher probability of being good (i.e. "Under Seige"), while three word titles will suck (pretty much every other one).  The trend held true with this release.  Seagal plays Tao (obviously, given his Japanese heritage) the leader of an elite hunter force under the military.  Their mission is to go in and track down vampire zombies - otherwise normal people who have been infected with some type of virus.  The sector of the world we're shown has pretty much been overrun, and we have a few survivors who meet up in a hospital where the vampire zombies are also.

That's the premise - the rest of the movie is a blur of boredom as I fought to stay awake.  Seagal is just a joke, amazingly slow and clunky in his trenchcoat.  No fancy moves from his glory days of action movies, this is just the slow occasional katana chop and cheesy dialog line.  Mercifully, Seagal doesn't have many lines and while given top billing is really not as central to the plot as the other characters attempting to survive.  As I often state (and will follow up with in a blog entry), we're out to find bad movies and that's fine.  What I can't stand is a movie that's bad because it's boring and nothing happens.  That was the case here - no real plot development, and the fight scenes were anti-climactic.

There's a reason Seagal hasn't been given much attention.  His career is like a zombie that doesn't realize it's dead and insists on tromping around.  This movie is boring shit, and doesn't even provide enough action or dialog to properly make fun of.  It's a waste of time, and should be avoided at all costs.

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