Edges of Darkness
Edges of Darkness

Posted by DJ I.Z.
Released on: 2009

Official movie tagline:  "Three interconnected tales of terror set against the backdrop of a zombie apocalypse"

My tagline: "Three overdrawn tales... no terror involved... over the backdrop of a zombie apocalypse"

In the days of Hollowood remakes, I always welcome the chance to find a movie that tries to do something new.  I like that this movie went that route, but unfortunately it didn't really deliver.  I'm not trashing this movie because it had a low budget - there are plenty of low budget movies that deliver a decent story - I'm going to trash it because it was boring as shit.

*SPOILER WARNING* - this review is going to uncover critical elements of the "plot".  I'm doing it to save you the time of having to watch the movie.  You're welcome.

We start out being introduced to some whiny asshole of a narrator (Dean) who ignores his girlfriend and writes stories on his computer all day.  Mind you, he's running this computer from a generator, and apparently not concerned about wasting power or the fact that eventually he's not going to be able to find anything to run the generator.  His girlfriend is some whiny bitch.  Yup, that's about all she offered to the story.  If she's not whining to him, she's whining in her room to a zombie.  In this portion of the story, the mail is still getting delivered I guess, because he had a new computer processor sitting in the mail.  The processor is some type of alien lifeform, and finds power in plant life and other living forms in order to fuel itself.  Eventually the computer sucks the life out of everything else around and resorts to feeding on the girl, and then the guy.

Another story revolves around hard-ass, a tough zombie slayer who rescues a woman and child.  Again, another bitch.  She's really rude to them, doesn't seem to care about much, but I suppose she's just trying to keep her cool, right?  We also find out that spoons are incredibly scarce, and she's forced to eat creamed corn from a can using a butter knife.  She stomps around outside all day and one day gets kidnapped by a set of sadistic priests who are looking for the boy she rescued (who they insist is the antichrist).  Apparently this boy was sent by God to put an end to humanity, and the zombie slayer helps to protect him when he convinces her it's for the best.  She does, then takes the boy somewhere safe (why she wasn't at this safe place before is a mystery), and we never find out what happens.

The third story revolves around 2 pseudo-vampire cannibals (husband and wife), who are a little too sterotypically ghetto for my liking.  They kidnap a girl for her blood, but something is wrong with her apparently because they don't like the taste.  It's amazing though, as they have a mythical spoon, and are able to keep their blood donor alive and feed her creamed corn with it.  The guy goes out looking for another person they can feed from, and all of these claims that they are "vampires" seem odd as he's able to do this during the day.  But hey, at least he doesn't glitter in the sunlight, right?  The girl they have kidnapped seems really insistent on giving them her blood after awhile, which they recognize is making them sicker and sicker, until she's the one controlling them.  The husband dies, there's an epic battle scene between the wife and the other chick, and the wife leaves.

Overall I just found this movie overdrawn, with too many attempts to be deep and emotional without any delivery.  It seems like they are trying to push some type of pro or anti something message.  Really I'd just say people need to avoid this like the plague (slight pun intended...) and save their time for something better, like another viewing of Zombieland.

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