Masters of Horror: Pro-Life
Masters of Horror: Pro-Life

Posted by DJ I.Z.
6/28/2007
Released on: 2006
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0785532/

Oh, how the mighty have fallen! John Carpenter, yes THE John Carpenter, is the one behind this short and painful film.

The plot is amazingly complex and drawn out (please insert sarcasm here). Some hick chick is going to have the devil's baby, and finds her way to an abortion clinic to stop this from happening. Her dad (played by Ron Perlman, the poor bastard) is one of those extreme religious folks that is going to stop that from happening.

The father keeps trying to get through the gate to get his daughter out, and is partially stopped by an inept security team (surprise, surprise). He and his hick sons manage to drop in, cut the security system, and pull out guns to start the liberation of the girl. Of course, she's going from pregnant to ready to pop in the matter of an hour, and this laughingly silly crab baby comes out of her... looks like something you'd order at Red Lobster, and not the spawn of Satan. And if the comment about Red Lobster made you hungry, just wait - the hicks find the guy in charge of the abortion clinic and instead of killing him outright, put him through the abortion procedure so he can see what it's like. You're thinking, "they shoved a vacuum up his ass?" Nope - they cut a hole in his nifkin. How FUCKED UP is that?

I couldn't figure out if there is supposed to be some hidden political message that Carpenter is trying to put out instead of a horror movie. He may have been a "master of horror", but this movie does not show of his talents. It's laughable, and only about 50 minutes so not worth paying to much to rent. Save your time, go watch Halloween again.

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